On The Hunt For Cap'N Crunch

So, today I get me a cravin' for some Cap'N Crunch. After the foul demon, booze, sugary cereal is my lesser vice. So your ole pal Tim heads on down to the Roseland Superette, a neighborhood mini-market and I'm perusing the rows looking for some scrumptious breakfasty treat and I hear one of the gals sez they got a vagrant in the store. Havin' lived the homeless life the past few years I go into defense mode an figure they're talkin' 'bout me. Heck, I don't look all that bad in my new Outreach provided duds, but then old habits die hard I suppose. Must'a been a cop car nearby cuz as I head up front a boy in blue wanders through the door. The gal points past me and sez, "There's a fingerless black man hanging out in back by the cooler." I gets a sigh of relief, cuz she wasn't talkin' 'bout me. But waitaminute! I know a fingerless black guy! Barney! As the cop is hauling him up the isle I suck in my gut and boom, "He's with me." The cop sizes me up and lets his free hand rest on the butt of his gun. "I'm from the Outreach Center, "I add, "This guy's a vet. Last year some punks set him on fire." I sezs. The cop relaxes. "I remember that, "he mutters. The gal sezs he's a thief and I find my inner srength to spin on her and sez, "How can he steal, he ain't got no fingers." The cop grabs my arm, I panic but he pulls up my sleeve. I guess my naval tatoo was peekin' out. "A sailor, huh?" he sezs. He was a jar-head. "Just make sure he gets home. "the cop sez and leaves. So me and Barney head back to the Outreach Center, where he dumps a whole boatload of Slim Jims outta his coat. "I steals 'em with my teeth." he says. In all the excitement I forgot to get the Cap'N Crunch so tomorrow we're gonna hit up Lincoln Candy and Tobacco.