Why I hate cowboy movies.

Howdy folks,
Guess where I've been? You ever see in them old cowboy movies how when a guy is drunk the sheriff let's him sleep it off with a night in jail. They don't do this in real life, right? Well, yes folks they do. Timothy Allen Kisper- 3 days drunk and disorderly. Guess what I got in jail? that's right- head lice. Why did I get so drunk that they threw me in jail, well Missy Walters and her stupid mother, Heather! Missy is a slut, I'm not defaming her, it's common knowlege. When I hang out with the high school boys behind the rec center and smoke cigarettes they all talk about her. So Friday night at the barbecue she goes and tells her mom I looked down her blouse, the moms starts screaming, I'm all ready slightly drunk. So see tells Steve Levine and he says I can't be life guard at the pool this summer. So I throw a beer bottle at Heather everybody's yelling, that's all I remember and the next day I wake up in the gray bar hotel. She don't press charges so Lucas let's me out today, hope you learned your lesson, Tim! he says. I used to kick Lucas's ass good back in high school, now he's a cop, big man. Been soaking my head in a bucket of vodka to kill the lice for an hour. Bill T. says to use gasoline but since I don't drive no more what do I do with the gas when I'm done, at least I can drink the vodka.