The voice of the Home Depot gives me the willies.

Well, howdy doody folks. Ole Tiny Tim checking in. Well, me and the nephew, Ken Jr. went to the Home Depot today to get some insulation and drywall and supplies. We got frost on the pumpkin so you know I'm freezing at night, even with the electric blanket I say. So this here weekend we'll be finishing off my room. Went down the Salvation Army Store and picked up a hotplate and coffee pot to go with my microwave range oven. So anyways, Ken Jr. wants to go to the Home Depot. I tell you that place scares me, sure it's big, but it's that voice on the commercial that scares me. So I asks ole Ken the Junior, who's that guy talking on the commercial and he tells me it's Ed Harris. He's a pretty scary guy. I was scared with that submarine movie, but that was more the water snake than ole Ed, but he's still scary. Now when you fill your body up with dangerous and illegal chemicals for 40 and change years, plus drink pretty heavily you get what them Navy Head Shrinkers like to call psychosis. That can make you think some pretty creepy stuff, like Ed Harris is following you around Home Depot with a ten pound hammer trying to crack your skull open. Luckily you can carry around a fence post digger for protection. Ken Jr. yelled a lot and we didn't get the stuff we went for, he went home and told his Mom that Uncle Tim is a "wanger nut job" whatever that means. So I'm wraped up in the electric blanket freezing my knickers off, burning some of Ken Jr's old Spiderman comic books on the hotplate to keep warm. We should of went to Lowe's, they got Gene Hackman doing there voice and he's a kindly old man, like a high school history teacher, 'cept in that cowboy movie, he was pretty scary in that. Gottta go, I gotta pull all these X man comics out of the plastic bags so I can burn them to keep warm.
Your bunk house budy,
Tim
Stay out of Home Depot Kisper you rascal!